Eyes on the Prize

I’m not looking for praise. Which is ironic, because sometimes, my behavior draws attention to myself and also DEMANDS some form of recognition.

But it’s something that I’m working to break free of. Because I realized that, no matter what I do, I will never be universally loved.

For years, I did all sorts of crazy things to be recognized and accepted by people, to earn some type of praise. But most of those attempts were nothing short of a pure disaster from doing things that I wasn’t even happy or comfortable with doing. I won’t go into specific details, but I will say that I will never do some of those things again.

Galatians 1:10 says “Am I now seeking human approval or God’s approval? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still pleasing people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Sadly, we are trained to please people because they hold “the power”; promotions, success, money, fame, the things that we sometimes desire. And who wouldn’t want some of those very things in their lives? But is it worth it? In order to obtain some of those things, people tend to lose themselves and lose sight of who they are.

Mark 8:36 says “For what shall it profit a man to gain the whole wide world, yet forfeit his own soul?” Tell me, what is the cost? For some, it’s morals, standards, peace of mind, joy, love, family, faith. So many people toss away what’s really important for a moment in the limelight. I can testify *raises hands high into the air* Lord knows, there were some things that I tossed aside that mean more to me than what I was chasing after.

Now, I know this is what some people will eventually say: You’re a news reporter. You entered a field where you are always in the spotlight. How can you talk? Well, let me say this: I didn’t get into this field looking for fame and fortune. Journalism is not as glamorous as people think. There is more dirty work we have to deal with than you might think. And honestly, when I decided to be a journalist, fame and spotlighted moments were not the force behind my actions. Of course, I would love to win some awards, but that’s not the prize I strive for.

What is the prize, you ask? Let me tell you; I strive to change the world!

With so much negativity in the news industry today, people are divided and fighting more than ever. And it breaks my heart because I am an advocate for the unity of people. I don’t care what you look like or where you come from; my heart is open and I’m willing to give you a chance and the benefit of the doubt (until you prove to me why I should withdraw my trust). But even more than that, I want to live a life that is pleasing to God; obedient to His Word and extending His love into the world.

I recently was given a new position at my job. I moved from entertainment to charitable giving and volunteering. So, I moved form doing celebrity interviews and being on the scene to more heart-wrenching stories that even provoke tears to my eyes. But in this position, I can really spread my wings and my heart; telling stories of those that are in need, showing them compassion in their situation and advocating for them on their behalf to those who are in positions to help out. I know what it’s like to be at the bottom in need, so I want to help everyone to have a level chance. I know I’m asking for a lot, but, like Dr. King, I’m willing to do what I can to level it the best that I can.

My eyes are not focused on money and fame. My prize is changing and opening eyes and hearts and improving lives. There is no medal for that (well, maybe the Nobel Peace Prize), but I want to change the world and make it a better place for those here now and those coming up behind me. And I don’t need thank you or approval. If I know I can sit back with my glass of lemonade and watch the world share love with each other, regardless of who they are, then I have done my job.

Imagine Me…

So, it’s been a minute, but I have been REALLY swamped with work and life.

Now, I look up and realize that I have a birthday coming up very soon (not saying the date or my age, I’m private like that lol). And as I look at what I’ve been through in the past year, a tear twinkles in the corner of my eye:

This time last year, I endured struggles that I had never faced before in my life. I spent the whole summer working two jobs and maintaining an internship as a writer for a magazine. Outside that, I was struggling to find a new apartment, balance family obligations, church commitments and more. And it seemed the more that I tried to do good, the more I struggled; between the two jobs, I was lucky I made $300 every two weeks. My bills were sky high. The apartment searching was not looking good as the end of my lease loomed closer and closer. My car constantly gave me issues and struggles. I was losing hope and faith. I recited Scriptures over and over again: Romans 8:18, Romans 8:28, Philippians 4:13, Philippians 4:19, James 5:16, Psalms 23…I just went through my Bible until the binding finally wore out.

But still no change, no hope, no faith. In fact, on the day of my birthday, not only was I homeless and broke, but my car had shut down and left me stranded. I had to walk miles to go anywhere. I was at my wit’s end.

I had to cry. I had to break down. Never in a million years did I imagine that I would be in this position. Of course, who dreams or imagines the worst of their lives? Who looks forward to their struggles?

But they have a reason. I heard a quote once that said that a little seed knows that it must push through the dirt to reach the light. Meaning you struggle before you reach the promise land of peace and prosperity.

Not that I have made it, but even at this point, I’m still in awe of where I stand. In the time of one year, I have transitioned into a full-grown adult:

• I’ve gone from student living apartments to real apartments that I pay the rent for myself

• I’ve upgraded from a beat-down car to an limited edition vehicle

• I’ve traded in two part-time jobs to a full time position in my field as a news reporter.

I’m not the same person. Who would have imagined what life would have been like for me? Even with a lot of the changes professionally, comes the personal changes.

I look at myself so differently. The very talents and skills that I was only secretly proud of, I’m now becoming more proud to share them. My faith is no longer as shaky as it used to be. I feel strong and empowered.

Birthday 2013: I was still acting like a child. I was acting more like my shoe size than anything.

Birthday 2014: I’m embracing the full grown adult that I am, the man God is calling me up to be in my life.

Imagine me at this place…watch me grow in the year…and imagine me next year, better than ever!