Shooting Stars (Eyes on the Prize Remix)

Some time ago, I took a short walk from my apartment to the laundry center in my complex. When I pushed open to gate to the pool, I happened to look up and notice stars twinkling in the sky. It was such a cool, crisp evening, with a clear sky full of diamonds, I was mesmerized and decided to sit in a lounge chair for a moment and let the beauty of the night wash over me.

As I gazed into the velvet-like banner above sprinkled with the stars, I began to think “The stars don’t fight and compete to be seen. They just do their work; they shine brightly. Some nights they are noticed; other nights they are hidden. But when the right moment comes, they shine so bright and captivate the eyes and hearts of those watching. Why can’t we as people do that?”

Let me explain…

Earlier on my blog, I wrote a post that I titled “Eyes on the Prize” in which I fully explained what my goal as a writer and a journalist was. But I’m no longer afraid to admit my faults and my slips; I have drifted away from the purpose a little bit. I said I was not about the winning awards, but I was about the titles and the power.

At my newspaper, there are positions known as “Senior Writers”. And I desire that position, so much so, that I was more focused on putting weight and responsibilities upon myself. I was doing everything in my own power to prove that I was worthy of the position. But I didn’t realize what I was doing until I literally hit a mental and emotional breakdown: I was trying to manage too much at one time and the pressure was slowly killing me.

I had to stop. I had to take a step back. I had to talk to my best friend, who asked me if it was worth it? Was this really what God intended for me to do? And if it was, was this the right season? I had already stepped up in responsibility at church and in my own social life, balancing more heavy responsibility than I had previously.

As I gazed at those stars that night, I realized that, like those stars, I have my moments to shine and my moments to dim. What I need to understand is when to balance them. I shouldn’t have to work three times as hard to shine when my normal efforts allow the light from within to glow. And the light is not even mine! It belongs to God! God is the light inside me that shines brightly, and any moment that I try to take control of the amount of time I shine, I try to become my own God and work on my own strength.

And as many people know, I’m not the strongest person in the world.

But like the stars that I see in the sky in the evening, God will shoot me somewhere that will take me better than I can imagine for myself.

So, I’m going to shoot for the other stars…the ones God wants to shoot me toward. I’m back on track. Thank you.

Guilty Until Proven Innocent

Guilt: (1) the state of having done a wrong or committed an offense; (2) feeling of self-reproach from believing that one has done a wrong.

We’ve all experienced that feeling before:

• polishing off the last slice of sweet potato pie while on a diet.

• spilling your mother’s best nail polish on the carpet and blaming your young sibling

• lying about why you didn’t do so good on that last Algebra test

But those are minor offenses. We can go deeper…

• kissing someone and spending significant amounts of time with someone in a committed relationship

• laundering money from an account that does not belong to you

• sneaking peeks at magazines and websites that you know you should not watch late at night

Shall I continue? No, I think you get the point.

But who am I to say anything? I am someone who understands the feeling and emotions of guilt. The heavy monster that settles in your chest, that sinking of your heart into the pit of your stomach, the butterflies escaping and leaving you alone, the clammy, sweaty hands slipping on its grip on reality.

Did I hit the target?

In America, we have a saying “Innocent until proven guilty”, but we live lives as though we are all guilty waiting to be prove innocent. Well, let me bust your bubble; we are all guilty. Romans 3:23 says that “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Have you ever met a perfect person? Yea, neither have I.

But sometimes, we hang ourselves for crimes that only deserve a slap on the wrist. As I continue to grow and develop as a man and as an adult, guilt is something that I discover has always been a pawn used as a weakness against me for minor infractions. We’ve seen those cases and trials where the verdict and the punishment is not worth the crime. But do we not sometimes do that to ourselves? Expect worse or take the minor punishment and mentally blow it out of proportion? Don’t lie; I have. Expecting screams, shouts, anger, banishment, to be stoned and ostracized for something a simple as forgetting to remind someone of something or dropping something onto the floor that was easily fixable.

Why do I always walk around with blood on my hands? True, I do have Jesus’ blood on my hands, but then my sins and iniquities did send an innocent man to be beaten, humiliated and nailed to hang for the world to see upon a cross. And there I stood, silently by as he was marched forward to take my place and take the punishment that was actually meant for me to take. But, I threw myself at the mercy of the court and He took my place; He paid the bail. I have been forgiven. So whose blood is still dripping from my hands?

My own. The evidence of the slow torture I have endured for years, not forgiving myself for past mistakes. For still event beating myself up when I make current mistakes. Expecting such a high standard level of perfection from myself that no little mistake can be forgiven, but I must beat myself up countless times again and again, reminded of the stupid little mistake I made, hanging myself over something others have already moved past.

But why though? If God has forgiven me, why can’t I? I’m human; I know this. And sometimes, I really don’t know the situation or protocol that I need to make. Or, things change beyond my control and I can’t fix them myself. There is nothing that I can do about it. If God, the Creator of the Universe, the One who placed every star in position in the sky, the One who spoke the world I now dwell into existence, can turn to me and say “The slate is clean. The page has been ripped. You can move forward, free and forgiven.” then who am I to remain trapped by my own emotions and anger? Why do I walk around, with my blood still staining my hands, shackled and chained, when God has given me the keys and a napkin to wipe the blood off with?

Forgiveness is powerful; you never realize just how much you are bound and held back by your own thoughts and emotions until you forgive. That stirring monster flees the moment you open your heart to forgiveness and let the light and love of God shine in through your life.

In the words of Mary Mary “Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance. Take the chains off me so I can lift my hands.”

Or, in the words of Tasha Cobbs “I hear the chains FALLING!!!”

Time to Fall Back

It’s officially autumn (or fall if you prefer).

Being a Florida boy, I’ve never actually experienced a real fall, just random cool spells, but I can imagine it in my imagination: crisp gold air; leaves rustling past in shades of flaming gold, red, orange and rusty brown; scarves, sweaters, boots and heavy coats galore on the streets; days under a glowing sun and clear blue sky, watching your breath sparkling like a misted spider web in the morning; evening in front of a fireplace with a mug of hot cocoa, marshmallows and whipped cream, a good book and your favorite blanket.

One day I’ll be able to experience a real autumn.

Funny enough, there is a parallel in life; some of us never experience the fullness of God’s grace and mercy, but we can only imagine it. Or maybe we have gotten sample of it and think that is it.

Well, just as some people would say “You can get on a plane and go up north,” I can say “You can fully experience God’s freedom if you give your life over to Him.”

*Kanye shrug*

But I’ve found that some people have a rather depressing view of what fall means to them. They see fall as the season where things begin to die; the season leading to death. I mean, you spent summer days in the warmth and light, beneath sweeping branches shading you in dancing lights of gold and green. Now you shiver alone in the cold, watching the leaves change, wither, and flutter to the ground in a gentle breeze, falling slowly to their end.

But let’s think about this; the leaves must break off and the tree given a season alone to rest and refocus for the next season, where it will begin bringing back life once more.

In the same way, when things begin to break off in your life, when it seems that everything that can go wrong IS going wrong, instead of looking at it as a season of death, but God preparing you for the next step.

In Proverbs 4:18, it states “The path of the righteous is like the morning sun, shining ever brighter until the full light of day.” None of us know where life is going to take us. But God reveals each step one by one as time sees fit. That means, sometimes, we’ll have to stumble along the path. But in due time, if we continue to follow His Will, He will reveal what His purpose is for you.

So, what am I saying?

That if you are confused as to what God is doing with you in this next season, that things are being stripped away and taken from you, that perhaps it’s God’s way to get you to rest, take a step back and refocus. We each have a gift, a plan and a purpose on this earth and the only one who can reveal it to us is God. But he can’t reveal out purpose and our calling if we are too busy and distracted with other jobs that take our energy and time. Think about it; tress that are in full bloom have to make sure each leave is taken care of, and if trees could talk or think, I’m sure exhaustion would be in the conversation or thought somewhere. Once those leave fall off, there is nothing to distract it and it can step back to get ready for the reason, when it will return to its purpose and calling.

So, fall back and take your rest this season. Don’t fight with God and struggle to hold on to things that may have actually been the wrong distraction for you. I know it can be hard, it may even become uncomfortable (that poor tree will be shivering and exposed), but in the end, you will find yourself refueled with life brand-new and able to spread your branches out even further than before.

As for me, I’m just sitting back with my scarf and sweater and hot cocoa with my air on blast.

Hey, I gotta pretend it’s fall in Florida…