From the Foundation: Masterpiece in Progress

How would you define the word “masterpiece”? What would you consider a masterpiece?

You might say a beautiful sunset, a wonderful piece of work, a moving piece of music? Something that is powerful, touches you emotionally, something that is considered complete.

Remember when you were little, maybe in preschool or kindergarten, and you were always so excited to run home and show your mommy an daddy the masterpiece you made in art class? And they would be so proud of what you did, regardless what it looked like. They would hang it on the fridge with pride for the world to see. They didn’t care that you colored outside the lines, or you painted your mom’s hair pink or that daddy is a stick figure with long legs and short arms. To them, it was the centerpiece of the house; a young Picasso in the making that the world deserved to see.

That’s how God looks at us. We are His masterpieces and He is proud of who we are, despite our flaws. And the best part is that He is still working on us. He is never done; He’s always tweaking or fixing something about us. His work won’t be done until we meet Him at the gates of Heaven.

I have a confession: I am a perfectionist. I’ve lived under that banner for years. I am that person that wants the world to be perfect, for everyone to love one another, for things to go without a hitch. The slightest hiccup can cause me to completely go crazy and push me to the edge.

And the scariest position for a perfectionist to be in is a position of power and leadership. At least, for me it is.

I want things to go well, not for my sake, but for the sake of others. And if it doesn’t, then I blame myself. Even if there is nothing I could have changed, or nothing that could change, I’ll be quick to put the weight and the blame on me and walk around, carrying that guilt and shame.

And it can be bad at times, to the point where I’ll even look at positive moments and cringe because I feel like I messed up and it wasn’t perfect.

Case in point: I’ve mentioned that I don’t lead often on my worship team. When I say lead, I mean in terms of leading songs. But so far this year, I’ve lead twice (for me, that’s a lot). Both times, I ended up watching clips of me singing. The first time was back in March, when I led a song called “Set Me Free.” I’ll admit that I did miss a musical cue on the bridge and I kicked myself for weeks because of that. I even convinced myself ‘No one will ever let me lead again, because I messed up that time.’ I also lead just two weeks ago, leading a song called “Victory Belongs To Jesus.” Listening to it again, I cringed when I heard a crack in my voice and thought ‘Man, what was I thinking? I missed that one note. And I should have done XYZ.’

But if you asked anybody else, they will tell you I did so well, that I was strong and confident. But the perfectionist filter in my mind won’t believe that; instead, it is too hung up on the tiny mistakes that nobody else noticed.

And yet, had anyone else been in my eyes and made (what I consider) the same mistakes, I’d be so encouraging to them, telling them to forget their mistakes, that what they did was brave, strong and powerful. Why is it harder for me to believe those same words for myself?

Because I want to be considered perfect, to touch people’s lives and be a shining example. So many people have said since I was young that I had strong leadership qualities and that I needed to live in a way that others could look up to me, that I strived for a level of perfection that doesn’t exist. So much so, that any tiny mistake or flaw left me questioning my gifts, talents, skills and leadership abilities. Especially in the church.

I guess I took this passage (Matthew 5:48) out of context and strived so hard to be perfect, with no room for mistakes. I wanted to be essentially flawless, like a great piece of artwork, something to be admired.

But that meant doing what I could to please people and be considered perfect in their eyes. And at the expense of pleasing God, my actual Creator. I was a people pleaser for years.

Time is changing though. I’m breaking my mindset and challenge others as well. To see ourselves as God sees us. Yes, I am flawed, yes I’ll make mistakes, but I am still one of God’s greatest masterpieces. I’m made in His image, so how can I be a mistake? I’m not perfect yet, but I’m a masterpiece in progress. And the more I walk and believe it, the more confident I will become in who I am and who God has designed me to be.

I appreciate you for following my journey thus far, and I invite you to stick close, because this is going to be an exciting adventure!

From the Foundation: Nailing the Hammer

I don’t watch a lot of TV, but if I had to choose, my favorite TV shows would be “Cutthroat Kitchen” on Food Network.

Four chefs come onto the show and each chef is given $25,000. There are three rounds; in each round, chefs are assigned a simple dish to make (like macaroni and cheese, or chicken Parmesan). Then, they are given 60 seconds to shop for everything they need. After they shop, they enter an auction, where they can sabotage each other with some of the craziest challenges you have ever seen. Then, they are expected to cook, as if nothing was wrong! They can’t even tell the judge what they faced!

Can you imagine trying to make a pot of soup when all you have in a bent up skillet and canned tuna while cooking upside down? Especially when you look over to the left and the right, and it seems like everyone else has everything perfect set up for success?

As I watch, sometimes I’m amazed at how these chefs fight through these obstacles to make a dish that actually amazes the judges and wins the whole show. It baffles me even more when chefs who had all the tools they needed are eliminated! How sway? HOW!?

Simple; the chefs with the challenges learned to use what they have or, as I heard one chef say, ‘Learn to nail the hammer.’

Just picture trying to build something, but you are using your nail as your hammer and your hammer is the nail. Impossible? Most likely, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t a way to do it.

“For with God, nothing will be impossible.” Luke 1:37 (NKJV)

I know at this point, you might be confused: Where is he going with this?

Let me explain; we all have been given the same task, but each of us might have a different challenge or obstacle we have to overcome. We look to the left, we look to the right, and it seems that everyone else can get it right, but us.

That’s how I always felt about life in general, especially in the church. I wasn’t “the right person” for the job (whatever it was). And while it was something that I secretly battled with, pushing through the best I could, trying to keep up, it really began to bother me more as I moved up in leadership. I felt like I was lacking all the tools and supplies everyone else had, especially when it came to ministering and discipling.

So what do I do now? I start nailing the hammer.

I spent so much time looking at what others did and how they did it. I compared my skill set to others. I constantly found myself saying, ‘Well, I’m not cool like this person, I’m not outgoing like that person, I can’t sing like so-and-so, I’m not talented like such-and-such.’ It was a competitive game for me to feel like I needed to match someone to make a difference.

If I were to describe my personality, I would say that I’m kinda funny, goofy, crazy, but that I have a huge heart for helping and serving others. I’m the supportive friend who will sit on the front row of the bleachers in your life and scream the loudest when you succeed. I’m a good listening ear, willing to listen as long as you need me and my shoulder to cry on. I’m fiercely loyal, wildly faithful, always seeking ways to do more, always giving from the bottom of my heart and the depth of my soul. I have a gift for being able to see the big picture and the small details. I’m a very gifted writer, but I choose to use my words for good. I can also sing well with good tone, an incredible range and vocal control for a male, and strong and flexible enough to sing a variety of genres, including gospel, R&B, soul, rock, blues and country. I love to cook and I love to cook for other people more than myself. I have a way of seeing the world in a very vibrant manner and I reflect that in my clothing and the way I interact, bringing laughter, light and joy. I tend to be open-minded and accommodating to all types of people, so people from every walk of life are drawn to me, they feel comfortable with me; it’s hard for me to dislike people like I used to (that’s God’s power and grace).

But instead of looking at what tools I had, I was too busy looking at what I perceived as the right tools. I was so busy comparing myself at every angle, looking at who I thought were stronger leaders. I looked at the tools in my toolbox as inferior and inadequate.

Looking at the original disciples, though, each of them had different gifts, skills and talents. Some were good at math; others were craftsmen, a few were fishermen. But never once do I see where they compared their skills to each other! They all just wanted to learn how to do the same thing, using what they had. So why can’t I?

I sing on my worship team. Maybe I don’t lead songs that often, but I’m consistent where I am. Why don’t I use my skills and talents to be a strong man of God on stage, not worried about making sure I sing perfectly (I do have to hit the right notes, though), but making sure that my worship and strength comes across in the notes I sing, knowing that someone in the audience will hear my heart through those notes? I am a skilled writer; why not write every chance I get about the goodness of God and be willing and open to share it on any and every available platform He gives me to share? I have a colorful wardrobe; why not be bold enough to wear crazy pieces that might make people want to talk about this boldness, and maybe, connect with them and see if God opens a door to share my faith? I enjoy cooking; why not perhaps start an event once a month where it’s a fun, random potluck or possibly delivering meals to new people, as a way of fellowship and connecting with others (who is going to turn down a free, home-cooked meal)?

I don’t need all the tools, I don’t need perfect tools; I need the tools that God designed for me to use to help build and advance His Kingdom.

I might not have all the tools that I perceive as the “right tools,” but I’ll keep nailing the hammer with what I have. Because while it may not be the prettiest, it might be a little messy and crazy looking, but God sees the heart behind it. And to Him, it’s a MASTERPIECE IN PROGRESS.