Confessions of An Overthinker

Hello, my name is Drexler B. James and I am an overthinker.

I tend to take any situation, any thought, any comment, and blow it out of proportion. I spend all day and night, worrying about imaginary scenarios in my life. I’m always anxious or stressed out because I’m trying to work out the best possible plan for any and every situation in my life. I’m too scared to make any moves before I have calculated my next move.

And this is the first time that I have openly said these words in nearly 20 years.

See, for me to open up and admit that I’m an overthinker is me admitting a major flaw in my character that, for years, I have been trying to deny. Those close enough to me know that I am an overthinker, but I won’t admit it. Call it pride, call it shame, call it fear…call a spade a spade and an ace an ace, but I always blow things up in my mind, tossing around thoughts and ideas in a swirling tornado of confusion and misunderstanding until it physically wears me out.

I don’t know what I am that way, but it’s always been so for years. It’s just, well now, in more recent years, it’s become more apparent that this is a very real struggle for me. I truly believe that my overthinking is what always holds me back from going forth in confidence in many areas of my life.

Perhaps I convince myself that, the more I think something through, the more prepared I will be for ____________________ (fill in the blank).

But that’s not life, right? I can sit and plan and plot everything out to the letter, and a number will pop up and throw off everything I planned out. Besides, if God has already planned everything out in my life, ordered my steps and knows what’s going to happen before I do, what good is it for me to overthink? I can’t change His mind, let alone His plans that He set in motion years ago!

So why do I continue to fall victim to the curse of overthinking? And even worse, why do I operate from that jail cell?

Maybe it’s because I’m used to it, I’ve become comfortable, it’s all that I know. The question is, how long will I stay here and where will I go from here?