I’m 26 and Struggling…And That’s Ok

Growing up, I thought that I would have it all together by my early 20s; amazing career as an entertainer making lots of money or a college graduate making six figures in my first career that I would maintain for 25 years, married to Alicia Keys (hey, let me dream), with a beautiful home, a couple of children, nice car, traveling and showering my family with any and every gift in the world, living in a perfect peaceful, understanding world.

Then, reality hit.

I don’t have student loan debt, but I do have credit card debt (as of right now, I’m at least $4,500 in credit card debt) that feels just as insurmountable at times as student debt. I’m also paying off a car loan, plus paying off a loan that I needed to put a down payment on the car. I’m clearly not married to Alicia Keys, but just the fact that I’m NOT married, or currently in a relationship, raises eyebrows, especially when people (especially women) comment on how nice, polite, and respectable of a young man I am while their female friends or (for older women) their daughters date guys who disrespect them and are rude and ignorant. I have been living in apartments since I was 18; the longest I’ve stayed in one apartment has been three years due to a job, but even then, I would often be asked “Why don’t you have this luxury (like cable) or why do you buy the off-name brand items?” while my pantries have more spiderwebs than food and my fridge consists of 50 bottles of half-used condiments, a half eaten box of Publix fried chicken and a couple bottles of water.

For some reason, I believed that I would have my life together at 25, be able to retire at age 21; no debt, no struggles, no issues. And it doesn’t help that I scroll through my social media to see other people in my age group traveling the world, exploring all these amazing places, or having awesome experiences and wondering How do they have it all together? What’s the secret?

I think I’ve figured it out; we’re all struggling, but how we struggle differs from person to person!

Social media today has made it so much easier to glorify the good and bury the bad parts of our lives, to the point that someone’s highlight reel in the standard of living. We all know people who have taken trips around the state, country, even the world. But will they admit that they come home to no food for 1-2 weeks, waiting for that next paycheck? We know people who are always at the nicest restaurants, eating these Instagram worthy meals as you open another can of black beans to pour over your white rice. But how many perhaps are living without certain luxuries we take for granted, or think everybody needs (again, do we NEED cable to be happy these days)?

I can speak from experience, how often I feel pressured to look like I got it together, when I really don’t. Even when I was living by myself for three years, working in The Villages, I felt like I couldn’t admit I was struggling at times to make ends meet. Days where I literally would leave my car at my apartment complex and walk 1.35 miles (yes, I measured) to work to save gas and PRAY that I didn’t need to drive anywhere. The nights I slept in my apartment, my lights and power shut off because I missed a payment and had to wait until the next day for them to turn it back on. Times when I’d say that I couldn’t go to dinner with someone because I had other plans, when really I didn’t have any money to go out and feel ashamed. Driving my car across Central Florida like I wasn’t worried that I had $8.36 in my bank account to hold me over from Wednesday to payday Friday, and gas was nearly $3.00/gallon.

Even now, there are moments when I can’t always live this life of luxury people think I should. But am I really struggling, or am I struggling based upon YOUR definition? Who told us that we were supposed to have it all together at age 25? Who had it all together at that age? Isn’t our 20’s the time to be stupid, to make mistakes, to struggle and find our own way in the world? Isn’t this the season when we are tossed out on our own to face reality for the first time? Who has it all together at this point?

See, when some people use the word “struggle,” there seems to be a blanket definition: if you aren’t living like Jay-Z and Beyonce, then you are struggling. But here’s a secret; my struggle and your struggle are completely different struggles!

Maybe I don’t have the house that I want yet, or even a house at all, but I’ve been able to keep a roof over my head most of my adult life while standing on my own two feet. Maybe I can’t travel to Thailand at the drop of a dime, or make a trip real quick out to California, but when I DO travel, I make sure that I enjoy every moment. Maybe I can’t shop at Whole Foods or The Fresh Market, dropping $100 every week, but I’ll gladly take my coupons to Publix and get me some fresh food there (and use the money I saved to buy a chicken tender sub while it’s NOT on sale). Maybe Nordstrom, J. Crew, Banana Republic and Brooks Brothers are out of my price range, but I will take those clothes from Ross and Marshall and pull them together with those shoes on clearance at Macy’s and JcPenny’s and step out looking like Project Runway.

To some people, I’m not struggling; the struggle I’m facing is the victory they want! Many people from back home tell me they wished they they had the guts to leave Bradenton, go to a bigger city and go for my dreams. Even in my struggles, at least I’m doing it where there seems to be more opportunity for me, versus struggling because the only opportunities professionally is to become a teacher or work in education, sometimes working two jobs to maintain a household, whereas I’m able to keep a residence off one paycheck in a major city.

The point I’m trying to make is that, yes, maybe I am struggling according to you, but according to me, I’m doing okay. I’m actually doing better than I sometimes give myself credit for. Would I like to have a cool couple thousand dollars in my bank account to lean on? Absolutely. But while my saving account currently is as dry as the Sahara in January, my bills are paid and I don’t have to worry about my car being repossessed.  And I know that one day, I won’t be “struggling” anymore.

And, don’t we, at times, glorify the struggle? Or is that only when a person comes from a broken home, with a absent father, living in the hood surrounded by drugs and poverty? They are the only people who struggle; I guess us middle-class people should be doing alright? If that were the case, there would be no middle class.

Often, I hear older people say, “When I was your age, I had XYZ and blah, blah, blah” and all I can think is “Ok, but when you were my age, the economy was different, society was different, technology advancements were different…life was different.” It’s tough to have people say “You shouldn’t be struggling at this age; I wasn’t” when you realize that we are comparing two vastly different stories in life. The cost of living was different; wages from jobs were different. Even how people did their jobs were different. Understand that some of us are trying our best, but life isn’t working with us.

Now, I will admit that I have moments where I can do better. A few weeks ago, out of boredom and stress (and because Publix had their chicken tender sub on sale), I stopped by a Publix in a fancy part of Orlando called Baldwin Park. Instead of going straight to the deli for my sub, I spent time wandering around the store, trying to reach my 12,000 steps goal and avoid the pouring rain outside. By the time I finally got back to my car, I had spent nearly $17 on straight up junk food (and the sandwich was only $5.99). You may think “That’s not bad,” but considering that I needed gas, I could have saved at least $10 toward my gas tank.

And it’s not just struggling financially; it’s struggling to identify who I am and who I want to be in this world and society. The old “Got to college and you’ll get a great job” mantra is just about dead; I can count on one hand the number of my friends who graduated with a college degree who are actually working in their specific fields. Even my own field (journalism), I was blessed to get a job before I graduated college in my field, but I knew people who graduated before me, asking me to help them get a job! And even when you get a job, it’s not enough to pay back the loans you have stacked against you with bills. Or even a job that you are passionate about, but took for the simple fact that you didn’t know what your next step was going to be, but your bills needed an answer.

I never thought I would be a journalist, but I did. Did I think I would stay in that field forever? It crossed my mind, but deep down, I figured I would switch career paths. Now I’m striving to work in nonprofits because I feel I can make a bigger impact on the ground rather than behind the scenes (that is another topic for another day). And that’s ok; my first job led me to my passion and sometimes, it does take that.

Remember when we were in elementary school and people asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up? I can tell you, my answer changed almost every year, but most of the time, I knew writing was a part of the plan. I was deterred often from saying a writer or anything creative or artistic because it “didn’t make any real money,” but that’s all I knew I wanted to be in my heart. Now, I’ve become a writer, built a career, and used writing to find my calling. Not everyone can respond right away with what they want to be like our grandparents did, mainly because we have so many more options available to us. So why not try and explore those options, and maybe even create the dream jobs that our parents wished they could have had?

So I say to all those out there who might be beating themselves up because they don’t have that mansion on the hill in a gated community yet…keep eating your rice and beans and know that you are doing okay. If you got food (even if it’s the Publix or Walmart brand), a rundown but running car, a place to sleep each night, and can keep the lights on (most of the time), you’re doing okay. You are doing better than you think. I’m in the trenches with you. Don’t let my nice car and clothes fool you; I got my outfit on sale or from Ross or Marshall’s. My pantry be filled with Great Value food too and some days, I just sit home and read a book instead of going out outside of special occasions. We’re all struggling together, but one day, we won’t. We can go to the gas station on a random Tuesday night and fill up our cars without needing to check our bank accounts. We’ll be able to eat in Italy on vacation, instead of Olive Garden down the street. We’ll be able to do the things we dream of doing when we add it to our vision boards (or Pinterest boards).

Just hold on…we’re all going to make it (and I’ll have my chicken tender sub with me!).